her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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