we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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