I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
