If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
