Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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