STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
