That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
