Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
