i barfeds in our rink
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
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We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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