i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
