I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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