We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."