Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Being persistent has its perks my friend.

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(609): I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking. (215): Being persistent has its perks my friend. http://tfl.nu/wzcm

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(802): View more from Vermont

i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin

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(802): i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin http://tfl.nu/0a0z

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(941): View more from Florida

If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?

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(941): If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him? http://tfl.nu/9nhp

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.

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(918): the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing. http://tfl.nu/e8cz

Replies (61) Good night (5655) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
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(541): View more from Oregon

bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?

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(541): bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat? http://tfl.nu/t2jr

Replies (19) Good night (663) Bad night (7001) Order T-Shirt
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(631): View more from New York

OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester

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(631): OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester http://tfl.nu/vz3v

Replies (16) Good night (938) Bad night (4001) Order T-Shirt
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.

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(508): There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day. http://tfl.nu/fth0

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(647): View more from Ontario

Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?

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(647): Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen? http://tfl.nu/shhx

Replies (25) Good night (2087) Bad night (2038) Order T-Shirt
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(318): View more from Louisiana

I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.

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(318): I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people. http://tfl.nu/5dbr

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(516): View more from New York

1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.

(516): View more from New York

By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.

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(516): 1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model. (516): By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method. http://tfl.nu/fz41

Replies (28) Good night (2288) Bad night (659)
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(928): View more from Arizona

So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.

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(928): So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something. http://tfl.nu/zx0n

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(937): View more from Ohio

I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.

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(937): I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus. http://tfl.nu/cdmo

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(727): View more from Florida

I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.

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(727): I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age. http://tfl.nu/xhom

Replies (1) Good night (374) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
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(623): View more from Arizona

My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.

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(623): My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today. http://tfl.nu/qhq3

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(812): View more from Indiana

The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.

(503): View more from Oregon

I'm on the job.

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(812): The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory. (503): I'm on the job. http://tfl.nu/qjws

Replies (6) Good night (819) Bad night (142)

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