Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.