phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
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A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.