I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real