Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
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Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.