you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
