I got chris browned last night
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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