Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.