you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan