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I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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