I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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