Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
