my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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