Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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