Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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