I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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