It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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