ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
