You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
