Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
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I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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