Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty