I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex