question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
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not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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