Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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