we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
