I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
