worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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