Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
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Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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