I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize