If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife