what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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