are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
