So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just found puke in my bra..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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