dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
