Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize