have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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