we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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