you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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