and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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