yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
