My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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