my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize