sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
