So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize