My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye