True but thats because hes a fetus.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....