my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
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A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is