My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood