I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
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I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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